Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
