Just cropdusted the office
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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