At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Shame - the story of my life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
