I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
