i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
