i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
