nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
