Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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