So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
