I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you had me at cake vodka
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
