I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
