We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
