forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
false alarm, still single
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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