I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
