take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So much rum. So many feels.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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