with your own penis?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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