i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I would ride that face into the sunset
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
