just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
