she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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