I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize