how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
