my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
