I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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