i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
