problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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