The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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