just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My cat gives me a boner
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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