I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
