He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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