if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
