Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
