when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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