I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
