We won't sleep together?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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