I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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