i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
