i was born a porn star she said
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
foreskin is a definite game changer
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
