Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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