just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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