someone threw a dead crab at me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
