ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
