I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
