she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
