Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
