look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize