The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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