My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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