Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
