my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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