Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize