Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
