i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize