At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
