she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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