Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
