GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I looked at my own cervix.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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