you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
should my penis look like a turkey
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
