:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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