I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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