just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
