According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
