Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
