She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Randomize
