She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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