Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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