hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
