there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize