respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
