i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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