My room smells like vodka and shame
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
