I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
