She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
