its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
