how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
