mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
