i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
