when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
